Weak Ties: The Significance of Small Interactions
Finding some words for how casual but familiar acquaintances help us to feel "home." And why not every relationship needs to deepen. Some are beautiful, just as they are.
A couple of weeks after moving to my town, I remember the feeling of being waved at on the high street by someone who shared our kitchen at work. It was a tiny interaction but the beginnings of feeling like this was home. The mornings I see my school run ally (for whom the school run is also a run) rounding the corner at the same time as me as we exchange knowing glances, often feel a bit brighter than the mornings I don’t. Our local school crossing supervisor has spoken nuggets of encouragement into my life while we navigate the puddles or sweat through the summer heat. The day doesn’t feel the same if she’s not on duty.
Sociologist Mark Granovetter named these relationships “weak ties.” This is not the pressure to make awkward small talk with just any stranger we see. There has to be mutual recognition. How lovely to have language for the small interactions that can give a big sense of belonging. The on-the-fringe familiarities that are actually more central than we realise. Weak ties are the acquaintances we come into contact with on a regular basis that, in time, form part of our familiar landscape. In a different but important way, these ties have apparently been found to be just as vital for our wellbeing and sense of belonging as “strong ties” (a spouse, parent, close friend, close colleague).
I remember foggily (as opposed to clearly) that some days on maternity leave felt longer than others. At times, the difference between a lonelier day and a brighter day was the presence my weak ties. The cashier at our local shop always responding to my little boy’s “hello man” with his familiar “hello boy.” Our vegetable-growing neighbour running out with spare courgettes as I pass with the pushchair. The owner of the limping Labrador who always knows the weekly forecast and delivers it with cheerful optimism (apparently we know the names of more weak tie dogs than people).
As well as building a sense of being connected to something larger than ourselves, weak ties have been proven to benefit our world view and even our careers, opening up new networks that strong ties may not have access to.
Who are the weak ties you appreciate in your life, the familiar acquaintances that enhance the everyday, those little connections you’d miss if they weren’t there?
I’d love to know your noticings,
Ange x
A couple of weeks ago I had an interaction with a barista in a drive-thru that has stayed with me. She was so friendly and sweet and it truly met a need for connection, despite it being a fleeting surface level interaction. I remember feeling something akin to relief when I first learned of weak ties, as if it was validation for my deeply held belief that the little things matter. Maybe in those little interactions we’re actively saying “YOU matter” to each other. Your words have me feeling encouraged, Ange - thank you!
Yes, the weak ties can make life bearable, the friendly hello from the postie who gives the dog a treat, the greeting over the garden hedge from the neighbour. Nothing too long, or too ‘polite conversation’, just simple easy connection to show you are seen.